


needles are scary but dysphoria is worse (or is it?)

by orphan_account



Series: Sucky Oneshots about Teddy Duchamp [2]
Category: Stand By Me (1986)
Genre: 21st Century, Crack, Gen, HRT, Swearing, Trans Character, Underage Smoking, because it’s 2020 and if we’re gonna ruin our lungs we might as well, ftm!teddy, have some good flavor with it, mild violence, they vape instead of smoke tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:27:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24149695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Teddy’s finally starting testosterone after months of wrangling insurance companies. However, he’s very scared of needles.You might’ve thought I learned my lesson about writing barely edited one-shots about Teddy Duchamp, but evidently not.Some idiot out there is going to think I’m minimizing dysphoria or making fun of fear of needles. This is a j o k e for all of us aichmophobics who have panic attacks before getting shots. Also, I’m a dysphoric trans person myself. Shut up, tumblrina.
Series: Sucky Oneshots about Teddy Duchamp [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1740514
Kudos: 8





	needles are scary but dysphoria is worse (or is it?)

**Author's Note:**

> As a warning, this is crack, so be prepared for crackiness. Ok? Ok.  
> 

Chris rinsed his hands in the bucket of soapy water he and Teddy had schlepped into the treehouse. Teddy sat on his favorite chair, tapping his fingers on the table. Gordie was standing up, twisting his hair to get the soapy water that had been spilled on him out.

Chris unwrapped an alcohol wipe and pulled the hem of Teddy’s cargo shorts up towards his hip, wiping the spot on his thigh he was going to inject. 

“Why is the wipe thingy so fucking cold?” Teddy asked.

”No idea,” Chris replied.

“Well, actually, I think it’s something about how alcohol evaporates faster than water,” Gordie interjected. “It takes the heat from your skin when it evaporates.”   
  
They heard a knock from the bottom of the treehouse. “That’s not the secret knock,” Teddy yelled at the floor.

There was another knock. “Ok, you got it right, Vern,” Chris yelled to him. “Gordie, can you let him in?”

“Yeah,” Gordie said while pulling the table off the entrance. “Hey, Vern,” they all said in unison.

Vern climbed into the treehouse. “Hey guys, what’s up?”

“Teddy’s gettin’ his first T shot,” Gordie told him.

Chris uncapped the needle and drew air into it, then pushed the needle through the rubber stopper on the top of the vial. Chris pushed the air into the vial (he read it was something about creating a suction seal?) then drew some of the testosterone into the needle. “Damn it.”

Teddy looked up from the pop socket on his phone he’d been fidgeting with. “What’s wrong?”

”There’s an air bubble in here.”

”What does that mean?”

”It means there’s an air bubble in here?”

”No, why does it fucking matter?” Teddy half-yelled.

”Because you could die if I inject an air bubble, and none of us want that. Also, I’m gonna assume that little outburst was because you’re scared about getting a shot.”

”Sorry,” Teddy responded, averting his eyes, and went back to playing with the pop socket.

“Wait.. _Teddy_ is scared of shots?” Vern asked. 

“Yeah, the same guy who’s favorite hobby is train dodging. Hard to believe, isn’t it?” Gordie told Vern, while looking at his own reflection in the treehouse window and fixing his damp hair.

”It’s a _needle_ , going into my body. Of course I’m scared, you guys are the weirdos who are fine with it.”

Vern popped a pod into his vape pen and took a long draw. “Pussy,” he whispered under his breath to Gordie.

”Shut _up_ ,” Teddy told them. 

Chris tried to withdraw the hormone again, luckily with no air bubbles this time. “Ok Teddy, I’m gonna inject it now.”

Teddy looked up. “What?”

”I’m gonna inject it now, in your leg.”

”Um, ok.” Teddy stared as Chris kneeled down to get a more comfortable angle.

Teddy continued to watch as he moved the needle towards his leg. “Okay, five, four, three, two-“

”Nope, never mind, I’m fine,” Teddy told Chris as he stood up from the chair. 

“Um.. what?” Chris asked.

”I’m good, I don’t need it.”

”Teddy.. you gotta get the shot.” Gordie and Vern sat on the floor in a corner of the treehouse, ready to watch this play out.

”I DON’T HAVE TO GET THE FUCKING SHOT!”

“Yeah, you do.”

”You can’t make me.”

Chris glanced at the others, as if to say “ _Are you going to fucking help me?_ ” then sighed when he realized they weren’t planning on doing anything. “Okay, fine, you don’t have to get the shot,” Chris told Teddy, then winked at Vern and Gordie.

Teddy opened his mouth, then closed it. “Okay. Do you guys want to play poker?” Chris asked.

Everyone agreed. “I brought the deck of cards home, then my brother took it. Vern and Gordie, c’mon, help me look for the deck of cards. Teddy, stay here and make sure Ace or Eyeball or another one of those jerks doesn’t raid the treehouse.” Chris climbed down the ladder and motioned for Vern and Gordie to follow. Chris ran about 20 yards into the woods so Teddy wouldn’t see them not getting the cards through one of the treehouse windows.  
  
Once Vern and Gordie caught up to him, Chris explained his plan. “Ok, Gordie, you go for his arms and hold them behind his back. Vern, you go for the legs. I’ll inject it super quick. Got it?” 

Vern and Gordie nodded. “Got it.”

They got back into the treehouse, and Chris explained how he screwed up and that the cards were actually in the treehouse. Then Gordie made the first move and grabbed Teddy’s arms and pulled them behind his back, then started to tie a jump rope around them. Teddy tried to stand up, but Vern dropped to the ground and grabbed his ankles. 

Chris rinsed his hands and unwrapped a new syringe as fast as he could. He needed a new one because the last one had fallen on the floor. He didn’t bother making a suction seal, and just sucked up testosterone and jabbed the needle into Teddy’s thigh, pushing all the T in and taking the needle out.   
  
Gordie and Vern released Teddy’s hands and ankles. Chris stood up and smirked. “You’re welcome, Teddy.”

Teddy sighed. “Thanks, guys.”

Vern bit his lip. “Um, guys? Did you see that air bubble in the syringe, and how some red stuff.. went up into the syringe?”

They all paused and looked at Vern. “Teddy, I don’t mean to freak you out, but I think I may have just injected an air bubble into one of your veins,” Chris said.

~~~~~

Chris grimaced when he stepped into Teddy’s hospital room, Vern and Gordie behind him.

Teddy was laying on his side in a hospital bed, with the head of the bed tilted down. He had an oxygen mask on his face.

”Sorry, Ted.”

”I have to lay like this and wear _this_ stupid thing,” Teddy said, gesturing to his oxygen mask, “to keep from fucking dying.”

Vern set a bag on the table by the bed. “We got you sour gummy worms at the gift shop,” Vern said, opening the gummy worm bag and handing one of the worms to Teddy.

Gordie pulled a stuffed animal out of his bag. “And we got you a _teddy_ bear,” Gordie said, smiling at his own joke. He put the teddy bear on the table too.

”I’m going to give my T shot to myself from now on,” Teddy told them. Teddy pouted while nibbling the gummy worm. “Shoo. Get out of here, all of you. Except Vern, I need him to hand me gummy worms.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you thought that was somewhat comedic. Kudos or comment, or do nothing. I don’t care.


End file.
